robwaite.com Blog

                I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The only constant is change!” It sure is true. Yet, paradoxically, most of us resist change with almost every fiber of our being. No wonder there are so many worried, discontented people in the world. They’re always watching out for and fighting change!
                What brought this to mind was a photo I saw on the Internet and an object I have laying on my desk. The photo on the computer is a picture of one of the Phoenix Landers feet on the surface of Mars. The object I have on my desk is a piece of rigging I have from a tall ship. This piece of rigging came off the tall ship in the late 1700’s. The difference between these two items is truly mind boggling. One is wood and metal and its only form of propulsion was the wind. The other is a part of inter planetary space travel! Think about it, mankind has gone from its only long distance form of transportation being wind driven wooden ships to interplanetary vehicles in less than 200 years… remember the Mars Viking Landers in the 1970’s? That is a lot of change in a short period of time!
                Since most people are resistant to change, it is amazing we as a species have come so far. So, how did we come so far in the last two hundred years? Well, the answer is simple, a very small number of odd balls; outcasts, who were ridiculed for their ideas. Odd balls like the Montgolfier brothers with their hot air balloon in 1783, Fulton with his steam engine in 1803,  the Wright Brothers in 1903 and other odd balls, outcasts who were ridiculed for their ideas. For example, Fulton’s steam engine was called by the majority of the press as “Fulton’s Folly”. Yet his steam engine changed the world of travel.
                Fortunately for all of us, there are odd balls in the world that are willing to embrace change and actively look to change the status quo.
                Growing up, I never wandered more than 100 miles from Philadelphia. I left for college from the same house that my parents brought me to after I was born. I went to college only 83 miles from Philadelphia. I thought I would spend the rest of my life in the comfortable little radius from the New Jersey shore to the Pocono Mountains. But an event in my life led me to make the CHOICE to embrace change and actively pursue change.
That event is a topic for another positing but suffice it to say that I became a change junkie. I’ve always had my eye on where I want to go, so I didn’t change just for the sake of change itself, but changed to gain the skills and experience to get to where I wanted to go. The amount of change my wife and I were willing to accept, I have to admit, maybe a bit over the top. We’ve moved 13 times, including various different countries. I’ve worked for four different companies before embarking out on my own.
One of my weaknesses that I have to be careful to temper is that I can become impatient with those who seem unwilling to change. In order to help effect change, it is best to communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.
I received an email yesterday from a very bright young guy who is president of a company that is embarking on a lot of change. I’m not sure who said or wrote the quote, but it is a good one:
                “Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.”
 

Have you ever been shocked, hurt and disappointed because you learned about a competitor, former employer or colleague who unfairly trashed you? If you haven’t, then you’re a rare exception! 

How do you respond? Why do people do this? Let’s start with the latter. People who actively engage in trash talk actually are afraid of what you are able to accomplish. They are afraid that you’ll succeed. So start by taking it as a compliment! Also people who engage in trash talk are adding no value to their customer or their employer. It is political, mean spirited and the trash talker desires to hurt you, not help their customer or employer. 

So, how do you respond? 99.9% do not respond at all. Trash talking almost always back fires on the trash talker. They look petty and small in the eyes of the person they are spouting off to. That person doesn’t have a dog in the fight and doesn’t really want to be involved. I’ve seen this again and again, yet trash talkers rarely learn this lesson. Therefore, just let it go. It can be emotionally hard to do, but 99.9% of the time, that is the smart move. If someone approaches you and says that so and so said this and that about you, simply respond with, “It’s unfortunate to see someone behave that way; we had a legitimate difference of opinion and nothing more than that.” Then redirect the conversation and move on. 

What about the 0.1% of the time? This occurs when the trash talker crosses the legal line and defames and slanders you by spreading verifiable lies. A person’s negative opinion of you or difference of opinion on a business decision, even if wholly wrong, does not cross the legal line. Only provable lies do. In that case you need to consider if you should either simply provide the correct information to the recipient in a professional, calm manner or if you should involve an attorney. I suggest only involving an attorney if the liable/slander will have a material impact on your business, earnings, career or reputation in the community. Involving an attorney because the only damage done is your hurt feelings is a waste of money and risks escalating the situation. 

I recently had the unfortunate experience where a competitor was trash talking me. At first, I was offend, upset, hurt, angry and confused as to why they would spin such ridiculous story. It was very hard, but I heeded my own advice and just let it go. I kept a watch from a distance to assure things didn’t cross the legal line, but held my tongue and ignored it. I debated with myself every day for a week whether I should do something about it. I’m glad I didn’t. In this case both a supplier and a customer who heard the disparaging information came back and expressed extreme reservations about the trash talker and how it made them not trust the trash talker. All I had to say was, “I really appreciate doing business with people like you.”  In the final analysis, the trash talkers achieve the exact opposite of what they set out to achieve. Always take the high road. It isn’t just smart business; it will make you a happier person too.